The Hidden Ways OCD Keeps a Grip
Something that I find fascinating, after almost 15 years working as an anxiety and OCD specialist, is the recognition that the stickiest parts of OCD are often not the obvious compulsions people expect. We often assume the hardest part of recovery is stopping compulsions. In reality, it is the quieter background patterns, like subtle resistance, automatic reassurance-seeking, and the pull toward safety behaviors, that keep OCD entrenched for months, even years.
Do you recognize yourself in these sneaky compulsions?
Body Tension
One I see all the time in the therapy room is when a client holds tension as a way to stay in control. I might gently point out tight shoulders or a clenched jaw and cause a moment of surprise, because they didn’t even realize they had been bracing themselves all day. This bracing is usually caused by an underlying belief that if one stays physically guarded, they might stay prepared for whatever might happen.
But tension as protection is a lie, one that reinforces the sense that something is wrong rather than relieving it.
Guarding Against Joy
Another pattern that comes up frequently is not fully allowing joy. A client might share a win, then almost immediately follow it with a thought like, “But what if something bad happens now?” They temper the experience because joy can feel vulnerable. One of the more interesting and nuanced exposures I might assign to combat this fear of joy is for a client to allow themselves to feel well, a surprisingly hard bit of homework.
Over-Preparing
I also see a lot of what I would call constant mental “preparing.” This behavior, at its best, might be described as being thoughtful or responsible, but under more intense scrutiny, it becomes clear that it's more than typical problem-solving.
When we loop through possibilities and try to get ahead of bad outcomes, we send a message to our brains about our inability to cope with the nature of life. We express insecurity to our nervous system, rather than sending a message of, “I have enough (but not every little bit of) information to manage whatever may come my way!”
Taking the Internal Temperature
And then there is the internal checking. Instead of checking something external, like a door or a stove, it becomes a habit of checking your own emotional state. Am I okay? Why do I feel off? Should I feel different than this? This kind of monitoring can be incredibly subtle, evading notice for years. But it's important to know that the more we scan and analyze our feelings, the less steady they tend to feel. What starts as an attempt to gain clarity often turns into more doubt.
What I often share with my clients, and remind myself, is that if something is driven by the need to feel more certain, more in control, or safer in the moment, it is worth getting curious about whether it is functioning as a compulsion.
Even if it looks thoughtful. Even if it feels protective. Even if it is happening entirely internally.
With care,
Sheva Rajaee, LMFT
Founder, The Center for Anxiety and OCD