From Panic to Peace: Tools for Parents of Anxious Children

Watching your child struggle with anxiety is incredibly difficult. Parents will often end up in my office feeling helpless and at a loss for how to support their child through something they may not even understand themselves.

The next time your child feels anxious, try these therapist-approved strategies: 

Help Your Child Tune Into Their Senses

When a child’s physical body feels uncomfortable, or their brain gets too loud, it's completely normal for them to have a reaction that, to an adult, may seem disproportionate. This becomes even more magnified if they sit in the experience and give it all of their attention.

It can be helpful to pull your child out of this anxiety spiral by suggesting they do something to engage their five senses. Some examples include: touching something soft, listening to the sounds around them and sharing what they hear, tasting something with a strong flavor (mints work great!), smelling essential oils, or telling you something they can see in the room that is each color of the rainbow.

This may not make the feelings or the activating event go away, but it does help children become grounded in their surroundings, rather than in their sticky thoughts.

Redirect Their Attention

When children are reacting to an anxiety trigger, they may act in ways that aren't appropriate for the setting they're in. Naturally, parents will sometimes respond with some version of “don’t do that.” But when we tell our children to stop doing something—without giving them an option of something else to do—we leave it to them to figure it out. It can be extremely hard for kids to come up with an alternative action when they're feeling high levels of anxiety.

To support them, it can be helpful to provide an option so they don’t freeze trying to think of one themselves. This could sound like:

• “What you're doing with your body right now is not safe—could you try giving yourself the tightest hug you can instead?”

• “It seems like that activity may not be helpful for you right now. I’m happy to grab you some Legos!”

By giving them a clear alternative instead of simply saying “do something else,” we let our kids know that we believe they are capable of changing course—even when they have big feelings.

Remind Them: "Your Behavior May Not Be Appropriate, But Your Feelings Are"

This is one of the first things I remind every parent I work with: “The way your child is feeling is allowed, even if it doesn’t make sense.” Our job as parents and mental health workers is never to say “You shouldn’t feel that way.” There is space for all feelings, and quite frankly, our children cannot control their emotions any more than we can as adults.

This can be shown through statements that acknowledge and accept the feeling but reinforce your belief in their capability. For example:

• “I understand this feels scary for you, but I believe you will be able to handle it.”

By modeling for your children that you aren’t judging the way they are feeling—but rather focusing on the way they are acting—they learn that all feelings are acceptable and valid, and that they can control their actions no matter what they feel.

Of course, we know that the sooner we get children with anxiety disorders into treatment, the more effective it can be. While these activities are not a replacement for therapeutic treatment, they are helpful to keep in mind the next time your child’s anxiety symptoms arise.

Warmly,
Madelaine